


See Your Face Once More

by deependlittleocean



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Hockey Trades, Kent and Jeff are like really bad at long distance... like really bad, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 11:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16117061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deependlittleocean/pseuds/deependlittleocean
Summary: The silence feels like some kind of decision they’re both making and Kent doesn’t want to think about it at all. They worked so hard. So fucking hard. He doesn’t want it to come to this after everything they’ve been through. Silent and stilted phone calls every day when they somehow have nothing to talk about.“I fucking hate this.” Jeff says and the fire in his voice is the first time Kent has heard him be anything other than resigned since the trade happened a couple of weeks ago.OrLong distance was something neither Jeff nor Kent were ready for.





	See Your Face Once More

**Author's Note:**

> I was taking prompts last week and wowza this one must have really spoken to me because what was supposed to be a short drabble ended up being like 15 pages long. 
> 
> Thanks to Pwoops over on Tumblr for the prompt, I really really hope you like this!

“How was practice?” Kent almost can’t recognize his own voice. It’s small and quiet. 

He waits for a moment, for Jeff to respond back and he finally does, “it was good. I’ve finally met all the front office staff. Everyone is still being nice.” 

“Yeah? That’s good. I’m glad they’re treating you well.” Kent can’t think of a single thing to say. 

Neither can Jeff apparently because he’s quiet for a long moment again. The silence feels like some kind of decision they’re both making and Kent doesn’t want to think about it at all. They worked so hard. So fucking hard. He doesn’t want it to come to this after everything they’ve been through. Silent and stilted phone calls every day when they somehow have nothing to talk about. 

“I fucking hate this.” Jeff says and the fire in his voice is the first time Kent has heard him be anything other than resigned since the trade happened a couple of weeks ago. 

Kent can feel the sharp burning feeling in his throat that lets him know that tears are about to well up and fall. He doesn’t disagree with Jeff, he fucking hates this too. He can feel himself start sniffling, and then the sniffling turns into full on body racking sobs. If there’s anything that Kent hates more than the silence it’s crying over the phone while Jeff sits there and listens to him. 

“Kent, we’re going to figure this out okay? We’re going to get through this and it’s going to make us stronger and I miss you so fucking much okay? The first time I have any time to get away from this frozen hell hole I’m going to be back in Vegas spending as much time as I have with you. I don’t care if its a single day, I’m going to be there. Okay?” 

Kent nods, even though he knows Jeff can’t see him. All he can do is believe him that they’re going to get through this. 

 

* * * * * 

When Jeff gets traded he’s… well he honestly isn’t expecting it. People get traded all the time. Even the ones who don’t think they’re getting traded. Even the ones who don’t give management a reason to trade them. Jeff had a great season the year before. He was the third highest scorer on their team, he had the second highest assists, his penalty kill was great. He was playing some of the best hockey he had played in a while. It didn’t matter though. The Aces were looking to rebuild and they needed more muscle on defense, something they had been severely lacking in the last couple of years. 

But he still isn’t expecting it to be him. Martin, their GM, gives him the general ‘we loved having you’ and the ‘you’ve been such a large part of this family’ and all the other bullshit GMs say when they trade a player away they know fans are going to be upset about so the players don’t roast them on twitter. Not that Jeff would anyways. That’s much more Ke- shit. It was sitting in Martin’s office, that Jeff thinks about what he’s going to tell Kent. 

“Does anyone else know yet? Team wise, I mean?” Jeff asks weakly. He’s hoping he can get to Kent before he see’s it on Twitter or Instagram or wherever the hell fans are going to freak out about it. 

“We haven’t told the team yet, no.” 

But that means shit, because even dudes have found out they’ve been traded in the middle of practices before. He really really needs to get home right now. He tells Martin thanks for everything, trying really hard to leave the ‘you prick’ off the end of it, but he’s got to go home and pack the essentials before he apparently has to be on a fucking plane tonight. Jeff nearly gets into an accident speeding to get home as fast as he can. 

When he sprints into the house, Kent is sitting on the floor in the living room, crying. 

The Aces get Fitzgerald and one of the Falconer’s third round picks from the whole thing. He hopes its fucking worth it. 

* * * * * 

Of course, even though the guys are treating him well and management has been more than welcoming, Jeff has a hard time settling in with the Falconers. It really feels like he just lost his whole god damn family. He hasn’t played with anyone but the Ace’s since he was drafted by them the year before Kent. He’s gotten to know so many of them on a personal level, it feels like having his brothers and uncles and unruly cousins torn away from him. It’s even more difficult to think about Kent. 

But damn if the Falconers aren’t trying to make him feel like a part of their team, no matter how surly and standoffish he’s been. And he’s not trying to be, but knowing everything he knows about Kent and then being on a team with the guy who literally tore his heart in half is something he’s going to need time to get over. Except Zimmermann won’t leave him the fuck alone. It was already bad enough that they sent him to pick Jeff up at the airport which was the most awkward experience he’s ever had in his life. What do you say when your boyfriend’s ex picks you up from the airport and they have no idea they’re in the car with their ex’s boyfriend? 

Jeff has just gotten back from his disastrous phone call with Kent. He feels like shit about himself, he feels like shit that he didn’t have more to say to his boyfriend and that made said boyfriend cry, he hates that this whole shitty situation is fucking eating at him minute by minute. The Falconers aren’t going to have him much longer because he feels like he’s going to crawl out of his skin and just run away back to the desert. And now, Zimmermann is standing over him as he’s trying to get out of his skates and pads (because he hadn’t even taken his shit off yet before he zoomed off to call Kent) and he’s just watching him with this weird look on his face that Jeff can’t quite comprehend. 

Jeff looks up at him, raises an eyebrow in a way that he hopes is more of a friendly, ‘yes?’ than an antagonistic ‘what the hell do you want?’ Zimmermann clears his throat like he’s about to go in on a long speech. 

“Do you have a problem with me?” 

And that… well that wasn’t what Jeff thought he was going to say, “what?” 

Zimmermann just tries again, “Did I do something that upset you? Because I thought we were getting along okay at first? And then the last four days you haven’t said a word to me and you avoid eye contact. So I must have done something to upset you and I was wondering what it was.” 

Jeff doesn’t think anyone has spoken this outright to him since Kent had looked him square in the eye and said ‘fucking date me.’ two years ago. It’s honestly a little off putting and Jeff is wondering if Zimmermann was like this when Kent knew him better in juniors. He can already feel the headache coming on though, and this isn’t something he wanted to deal with today. Or ever for that matter. 

“You didn’t do it to me.” Is all Jeff can say, and then he’s out of his stall, throwing his bag over his shoulder. He’ll shower at home. 

* * * * * 

“Did you ask him what he meant by that?” Bitty asks Jack when he gets home that night after practice. 

Jack shakes his head, “No, he was already leaving by the time I had time to process the answer.” 

Bitty hums a little, passing Jack the pitcher of sweet tea that was on the table between them so he could refill his glass, “he’s on Kent’s Instagram a lot.” Bitty says casually. 

Jack looks up at him, his eyebrows knitted together. How are they suddenly talking about Kenny? “What?”

“Troy. Jeff? He was on Kent’s Instagram a lot. Kent’s on his too. Like every other picture. The two of them look close. Kent tweets about him a lot. Whenever the Aces did videos the two of them were always paired up, you know?” 

And Jack didn’t know. For all that he and Kent have gotten close enough to talk to each other every now and then, Jack is still woefully ignorant of Kent’s life in Vegas. He had no idea that Kent and Troy were friends, maybe even best friends? He groans, rubs his hands over his face in frustration. That has to be the problem, that has to be the ‘me’ Troy mentioned earlier. 

Bitty just smiles at him, “don’t worry so much about it hon. Just talk to Troy. Maybe give Kent a call? The two of you haven’t been on bad terms lately. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind talkin’ to you about it.” Bitty pats the hand left on the table.

Jack guesses he needs to talk to Kent. He looks at the clock. It’s already 9pm here in Rhode Island making it 6pm in Vegas. He doesn’t know if Kent would be doing anything right now. But even if he is, he can always leave a message to ask him to call him back. 

“I’m going to call Kent. See if I can figure something out.” 

“Want me to sit with you?” Bitty asks. Kent and Jack have been a lot friendlier in the last year or so, but there’s always the fear (on both their ends, Kent has admitted it before) that they’re going to say something to upset the other, even on accident. 

“No, I’ll be okay. I’ll come get you if I need help with anything.” 

Jack makes his way to his and Bitty’s bedroom. He sits down on the bed and pulls out his cellphone. Jack wonders if he should feel worse about talking about a teammate behind his back. But Jack wants to fix this and he doesn’t know how to get Troy to talk to him so he’s hoping Kent can help him smooth the way at least. Jack finds Kent’s number in his phone and presses dial. 

It takes four rings, but Kent picks up, “Zimms? Are you okay?” 

“Why do you think something is wrong every time I call you?” Jack smiles, he means it as a chirp but after he says it he can kind of guess why Kent would think that. 

Thankfully Kent just laughs it off, “so nothing is wrong?” 

“Well...” 

Kent laughs even more now, “Jesus, I mean this in the best possible way Zimms but you are predictable.” 

“Yeah yeah, I’m an old man I get it.” 

There’s a pause, a quiet over the line, “So… what was it you were calling for. This doesn’t exactly sound like a social call.” 

Jack sighs, “I don’t… I don’t want it to seem like I’m gossiping about a teammate or anything. But I was wondering if you’ve talked to Troy recently?” 

He can hear a sharp intake of breath from Kent’s side of the phone, “did something happen to Jeff?” 

“No! Nothing bad… it’s just… he doesn’t seem like he’s adapting well? Which I know is rich coming from me, I know that. But...” 

“I just talked to him this morning. He said everyone was treating him well, that he was getting along with everyone?” Kent sounds nearly panicked now and Jack wishes he knew what he could do to stop it. 

“He does, Kenny! He gets along with everyone. There hasn’t been any kind of incident or anything like that. He just...” Jack rubs his face again, its a nervous habit he’s never been able to get rid of, “he just seems sad.” 

When Kent speaks again his voice is small, smaller than Jack has heard it in a really long time, “and what? As his captain its your moral obligation to make him not sad?” 

Jack scoffs, but yeah that’s the gist of it, “yeah pretty much. How’d you know?” 

“Because you did the same thing with me Jack. Watch out, you might get another teammate falling for you that way. Wouldn’t want that.” 

Jack doesn’t say anything because he knows Kent didn’t mean that, at least not the way it came out. So he waits for Kent to collect his thought and let him talk before he says anything else. Kent takes a deep breath, one that Jack can hear from over the phone. 

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly, “I didn’t mean that. It was supposed to come out as a joke but...” 

“But what?” Jack asks, calmly. 

“But I’ve been pretty bitter the last week and I know it’s not your fault, or the Falconers’ fault, or the Aces’ fault, but Jeff was my best friend Zimms.”

There’s something in Kent’s voice that makes Jack think it was way more than that, “just your best friend?” he asks curiously. 

Kent huffs, “you know I can’t say anything about that. It’s not my place.” Which is true, but it’s an answer in and of itself. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” 

“Just… just let him settle in Jack. Give him another couple of weeks okay?” 

“Yeah I can do that.” 

“And Jack?” Kent’s voice sounds pleading, a little desperate, “please call me if something does happen? Please?” 

“Yeah Kenny, I’ll give you a call.” 

* * * * * 

It’s not that Jeff has started to like Zimmermann any better than he did before the whole ‘not me’ thing. It’s just that… Zimmermann has decided to be a lot more chill about his whole make sure the new guy feels involved crusade since then. It’s making Jeff feel like he can breathe easy. Plus he got to see Kent on Skype for about an hour a couple of nights ago when neither of them were too tired to even sit at a computer like they had been the last month since Jeff’s trade. 

But Zimmermann is hanging around again like he did in those first two weeks that Jeff was here and he’s not sure why. Finally, he sits in the stall next to Jeff’s, Tater’s, and opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. He looks like a floundering fish and Jeff sort of feels bad for the guy. 

“Need something captain?” 

“Well… we play the Aces in two weeks. It’s a home game.” 

Jeff’s face scrunches up in confusion, “if you think I’m going to throw a game because I was close with my old team...” he doesn’t know what to say after that but the implication is clear. 

“No! No, god no. Sorry that’s not what I was trying to say. I just… I know that they’re getting in the night before? So I thought you might want to come over and have dinner with Eric and I?” 

“Do I want to come over and have dinner with you and your boyfriend the night before the Aces game?” Jeff isn’t sure exactly what’s going on. 

“Well… Kenny is going to be there too? I already asked him? He said sure?” It sounds like Zimmermann is asking questions instead of actually knowing if Kent is going to be there. 

“He… he told you…?” Jeff has to breach the subject carefully. It’s not like Zimmermann is the type of person he has to be careful about divulging too much personal information. He knows that, but it’s still weird to think about him knowing he’s dating his ex. Especially when he’s his captain. At least this way he can say he was trying to say ‘oh he told you he was coming to dinner?’ 

“Uh… not really? I just… I’ve known Kenny for a long time.” And for some reason that makes Jeff irrationally annoyed, “he sounded sad the last time I talked to him and I just… I sort of pieced things together is all.” 

Jeff sighs and let’s his head fall back and hit the back of his stall. He closes his eyes for a minute and tries not to let the headache he feels coming on consume his entire face. Its not that he minded Kent sort of letting Zimmermann know that they were a thing. But now it feels like the fucking awful time they’re having trying to figure out how to do long distance is becoming a problem for more than just the two of them. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there Zimmermann.” 

* * * * * 

It’s the first time Kent and Jeff have seen each other in person since Jeff left two months ago. They probably shouldn’t have done this the night before a game because it goes fucking terrible. 

He feels bad that Zimmermann and his boyfriend had to witness it. 

* * * * * 

Kent is at his place after the entire awkward dinner from hell. They really really should have waited to see each other until after the game tomorrow night because now this is all they’re going to be able to think about the whole time they’re on the ice. 

“Jesus what is wrong with us?” Kent is sitting on his couch, his elbows resting on his knees, face in his hands. 

“It just… it just takes time Kent. We just have to take time.” 

“I was supposed to be happy to see you!” Kent says suddenly, a burst of loudness that Jeff hasn’t heard from him in months, “I was supposed to be fucking happy! And instead I spent that whole damn dinner without a thing to say to you and I’m just sad. It was like I was more sad about the whole thing than I was happy to see you. What the fuck is that.” 

Jeff is sitting in the arm chair next to the couch. He and Kent haven’t even hugged since Kent got to Zimmermann’s for dinner. He gets up and starts pacing around the living room. He doesn’t know what else to do. 

“What does that mean Kent? That you weren’t happy to see me?” 

Kent looks up at him. He looks exhausted, “don’t twist my words Jeff. Of course I’m happy to see you I just… it feels different than it was supposed to.” 

Jeff sits down on the couch beside Kent, close enough to reach out and touch him if he wants to, but he doesn’t, “what do you want to do about it?” He doesn’t think he wants to hear the answer. 

“I don’t know. This fucking sucks Jeff. I think you’re right. I think we just… we need time to figure it out.” 

Just swallows, it feels like his throat is getting tighter, “time to figure it out or time apart?” 

“We’re already apart Jeff.” It’s a loaded answer, Kent knew exactly what Jeff was saying, “I need to go back to the hotel.” 

“I thought you had permission to stay out here tonight?” Jeff asked. 

“I don’t… I think I should go back tonight. We’ll try again tomorrow. To talk.” 

Jeff just watches him leave the apartment. Neither of them tried to go in for a hug. 

Kent is a healthy scratch the next day. 

Neither of them try to text each other, and Jeff sees an hour after the game the Aces are on their way Toronto for their next game. 

* * * * * 

The thing is though, is that he still fucking loves Kent so much that sometimes he feels like he’s going to burst with it. Even when they’re doing whatever the hell it is they’re doing now he still loves him so damn much. 

* * * * * 

The thing is though, when you’re not talking to someone, it doesn’t matter how much you love them. 

* * * * * 

Jack must realize the absolute death spiral their relationship is heading into because he starts hovering again. Except now he’s hovering like a friend and not a captain. Jeff wonders if Kent asked him to. He wonders if Jack’s boyfriend told him he should keep an eye on Jeff. He supposes it doesn’t matter who said what, but all of a sudden Jeff is being asked to do things with Jack and his boyfriend. It’s like he doesn’t have any time to be alone to think about Kent and be sad about it. 

He goes running with Jack in the morning, they grab lunch a lot after practices, Jack has started inviting him to his private ice time. Says he wants to work with him since they’re on the same line now. He gets asked over to dinner at least twice a week if not four or five times. He suddenly has a lot more pie in his life more than he ever had before. Tater has started to notice the sudden uptick in his spending time with Jack and acts annoyed in the good natured way only Tater can. 

“I used to be Zimmboni's running partner. No more now. Now is just Troy this, Troy that.” He elbows Jeff a little in the side, not enough to even be mildly uncomfortable. 

“Man are you really complaining that you aren’t woken up at 5 in the morning to go running?” Thirdy asks, throwing a shirt and hitting Tater right in the face with it. 

“No no. Not sad. Running worst.” Tater makes a face in Jack’s direction who just laughs. 

“I’m used to it. Used to go running that early in Vegas.” Half of it was the heat got too bad after a certain time in the morning. The other half was that Kent had the awful habit of waking up too early to go running and would force Jeff to come along, which he realizes now is probably a habit he picked up from Jack. 

“What your friends in Vegas were terrible to?” Marty asks, laughing. 

“Nah they were great. Just, Vegas heat you know?” 

“Were great? You don’t talk anymore or something?” Snow asks. 

Jeff looks down at the towel in his hands, misses the way Jack sends a disappointed look to Snow, “no… not really.” Jeff takes his bag, heaves it over his shoulder and leaves the locker room. 

* * * * * 

He gets a call from Sweets, one of the defensive pairings on his and Kent’s old line back in Vegas a couple of hours after that. He’s talked to Sweets in the past four months he’s been in Rhode Island the most of anyone else on the team. It makes him feel like he still belongs. They haven’t taken him out of the group chat yet, even if they have added Fitzgerald to it. Kent never really responds in it as much as he used to. 

“Dude I don’t know what is going on with him but he’s been like weird.” Sweets says when he calls him later that night. 

“What do you mean weird?” Jeff asks, sitting down on his bed, back against the headboard. 

“He’s like… I don’t know robot mode or something. Like you know how Parser is funny? He isn’t funny anymore. He comes to practice and then goes straight home and like never comes out anymore. I think you like broke him dude.” 

Sweets laughs, it was supposed to be a chirp, but it doesn’t feel like a fucking chirp right now, “if you forgot Sweets, I’m not in Vegas anymore so I really doubt anything I do really affects how Parson acts.” 

“Dude… that was a little harsh. You guys were like best friends. He misses you man. It’s easy for everyone to tell. I think he’s like...” Sweets pauses and then sighs, “I think he’s like depressed or something man. I saw coach talking to him yesterday. Didn’t mean to like eavesdrop or anything but… I think they’re like mandating him.” 

Jeff feels like his heart stops for a second, “mandating him?” 

“Yeah for therapy or something. I mean I was just joking when I said I thought it was you, you know that right? But something actually has been up with him lately? Everyone has been noticing. It’s been weird.” 

Jeff doesn’t know what to say. He and Kent only talk what seems to be twice a week now. Normally over text. The last call he got from him was almost two weeks ago and their phone conversation went the same as it had been since Jeff got traded. Stilted and awkward. Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder but it seems like all it keeps doing to Kent and Jeff is make them grow further apart. 

“You’ll talk to him right?” Sweets asks. 

“Yeah I’ll talk to him.” 

He tries calling Kent as soon as he gets off the phone with Sweets. 

It goes to voicemail. 

* * * * * 

Jeff is waiting for it to all come crashing down on the two of them at any moment. He’s been in Rhode Island now for about 6 months. The regular season is almost over and it’s obvious neither the Falcs nor the Aces are going to the playoffs this year. Jeff is having a hard time not blaming himself, and he knows for a fact that Kent is in Vegas doing exactly that. He and Kent still talk to each other at least once a week, even when their conversations never last more than 15 minutes. Jeff remembers when they used to lay in bed together and talk until 3am. He’s waiting for the next phone call that ends their relationship in 15 minutes, like some kind of Taylor Swift song. 

He gets an invitation to Jack’s house again. One of their thrice weekly ‘we feel bad that you’re pathetic and miserable without your boyfriend’ invites. When he gets there though, Bitty is nowhere to be seen. Which isn’t weird, but none of Bitty’s stuff is in the living room either, laying around like it normally is. Jeff wonders if Jack invited him here so they could both commiserate over their lost relationships, but he and Bitty are rock solid so he some how thinks that’s not what’s happening. 

“Where’s Bitty?” He tries for casual, but he’s sure Jack knows he’s fishing. 

“In Vegas.” Jack answers easily, like it wasn’t the weirdest fucking answer he could have given Jeff. 

“In Vegas?” Jeff asks slowly, “What the hell is he doing in Vegas?” 

“Visiting Kent. He took two vacation days, going to do a like four day weekend out there or something.” Jack doesn’t even seem mildly perturbed by the fact that his ex boyfriend and his current boyfriend are going to be spending the next four days together. 

“He’s… visiting Kent...” Kent does have a streak of days without games right now. It would honestly be the perfect time for Bitty to visit. 

“Yeah. Kenny just said he needed a friend right now, so Bitty went out to stay with him for a couple of days. Cheer him up.” Jack turns his back on Jeff and heads to the fridge, “wanna beer?” he asks bending over and rooting though it. 

Jack knows exactly what he’s fucking doing and Jeff is a little pissed about it, “I’ve tried talking to Kent. We’ve tried talking. It isn’t working.” 

Jack just stands up from the fridge, nothing in his hands, “have you tried talking about being apart or the actual reason you’re having a hard time being apart? Because those are two different things, and only one of them matters.” 

“Oh fuck you. You think I haven’t tried? You think Kent hasn’t tried? We’ve both been killing ourselves over this, and you think it’s as easy as just talking it out?” 

To his credit, Jack doesn’t seem upset that Jeff told him to fuck off, “when Bitty and I first started dating he was still in school at Samwell and I was all the way over here. We weren’t out to anyone. Except… maybe my dad at the very beginning? I still don’t know.” 

Jack walks around the kitchen island and comes to sit on the sofa in the living room, Jeff follows him. If they’re going to have this talk it’s better that they do it somewhere comfortable at least. Jeff isn’t sure which way this is going to go, but he knows he isn’t going to like any part of it. Jack waits for him to sit down in one of the chairs, and he does, before he continues with what he was saying. 

“We weren’t out to anyone, not his parents and not our friends and definitely not my team. He was alone and isolated at Samwell. He had classes, but he also had a lot of time to think about how alone he was and it took a toll. Does anyone in Vegas know about you and Kenny?” Jeff really wishes he would stop calling him that. 

“No. No one knows. I think the vet that housed Kent when he first got to Vegas, Halvo, knew something was up but he… he never said anything to either of us.” 

“I remember one time… we were just getting back from a game and I saw that Bits had called me a half dozen times. I was… I was terrified something happened. I drove to Samwell that same night. Didn’t get there until the crack of dawn practically. Bits… he said he was okay, was just feeling lonely at the time and didn’t know who to talk to but…. I was never as glad as I was that day knowing that I was there when he needed me.” 

“You think I’m not trying to be there for Kent?” Jeff asked, and he’s got a mix of emotions going around now. Anger, annoyance, despair, especially guilt. He’s not sure which is strongest. 

“I think for some reason you’re both assuming the other one doesn’t want to try and make this work. You’re both scared of trying and it failing so you’d rather not try at all and then at least you can say, ‘well we knew this wasn’t going to work from the start.’” 

“What the hell do you think I should do Jack? Just drop everything and fly out there?” 

“I think you should do whatever you think is the best thing to do. But before you decide, you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to lose what you have, and if you’ll be okay knowing that you didn’t do everything you could to try and keep it.” 

Jeff thinks that Jack Zimmermann is the most annoying asshole he’s ever met in his entire life.

But he’s glad he met him. 

* * * * * 

Later when he’s on the plane, heading to Vegas he really hopes that Kent isn’t going to be mad that he’s crashing his and Bitty’s Vegas weekend extraordinaire or whatever it is they had planned. 

He also really really hopes Bitty doesn’t mind if he puts him up in a fancy hotel room for one night so that he can have Kent’s house just to him and Kent for the night in case this goes in the exact opposite direction that he wants it too. 

* * * * * 

Jeff gets a rental car when he gets into the airport. It’s bullshit that it only takes him two minutes to fucking remember how much he misses Vegas when he used to hate living out here. It was always too hot, always too dry, not enough seasons. But he feels like he’s going to cry driving down the familiar streets he used to take three, four times a day to get to wherever he was going. It’s about a 20 minute drive from the airport to get to Kent’s place, and he tries not to speed because the last thing he needs is to get a ticket. 

Soon he’s coming to his turn and rounding the corner into where the gate is to get in. Kent had bought a house a little bit out of the city about two years ago (almost three now, Jeff realizes) when they started dating. Jeff hadn’t wanted to read much into it at the time, but after that first year, he thought he’d be moving his stuff into there completely after retirement. Jeff hopes that the gate key is the same number it was last time he punched it in, and he’s happy to find it is. The gate opens, and Jeff nearly goes 0 to 60 down the maze of roads to get to Kent’s house. 

He’s there almost in an instant, and to his relief, Kent’s car is parked in the driveway where it always is. Jeff pulls up his rental to where he had always parked his car when he was over and turns off the engine. Now that he’s here, he doesn’t know what to do. He needs to go inside. He needs… he needs to know that he did everything he possibly could before he gives up for real. He takes a deep breath, and gets out of the car. He still has a house key, and Kent has never told him he can’t use it, or to send it back, so he sticks it in the lock and opens the house. 

The first thing he notices, is that it’s exactly the same. Nothing has changed in the front hallway at least in the last six months that he’s been gone. The second thing, is that Kit comes barreling around the corner, a gray and white fluffy blur as she knocks into his legs and starts circling through them. She cries at him, pushes up on her hind legs so her front paws are on Jeff’s legs, and demands to be picked up. Jeff is about to bend down and grab her, like every other time he’s come into Kent’s house, when Kent himself comes rounding the corner into the front hallway. 

“Kit, what the hell are you-” He sees Jeff at the moment, and absolutely freezes. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights, like he has no idea what to do, and Jeff would feel a little bad for ambushing him, but he doesn’t know if he would have been strong enough to do this if he hadn’t, or if Kent would have talked him out of it. 

“I used the key… I hope that was okay?” 

Kent just stares at him still, his mouth finally closing, but it opens again to talk, “If you wanted me to send you your stuff to Providence I could have. You didn’t have to come all the way out here to get it.” 

And that… for some reason that pisses Jeff off, “you think I came out here to get the rest of my stuff? Jesus Kent! I didn’t come out here for my stuff. Fuck my stuff! I don’t give a shit about any of it!” 

Kent squares his shoulders, “than why are you here?” 

“Because I’m your boyfriend! Because we haven’t been able to be in the same room together since I left! Because I haven’t touched you in six months! Because I fucking love you! That’s why I’m here! I needed to be here, so I’m here and I don’t fucking give a shit about any of my stuff!” 

Kent just stares at him again and the look that crosses his face is one that Jeff knows all too well. It’s the one he gets when he thinks he did something he shouldn’t have. The look when he thinks he’s disappointed someone. The look he gets when he’s deciding how much he should hate himself for something that wasn’t his fault in the first place. Jeff hates that fucking face. He had been actively trying to make sure he saw it as little as possible before he had to leave. 

He doesn’t care about any of the bullshit from before. He hasn’t touched his boyfriend in months, and suddenly he’s feeling the absolute isolation that comes with that knowledge and he can’t stand it. It feels like it’s eating him alive. So he does the only logical thing he can think of and he makes quick strides over to where Kent is, careful not to step on Kit and grabs on to Kent as tightly as he can, before pulling him in for the tightest hug he thinks he’s ever given anyone. 

Kent quickly clutches onto him like he’s a lifeboat in stormy seas and Jeff can hear the sobs that escape his mouth almost immediately. He can feel the way he’s crying against his chest, he can feel Kent’s tears on his cheek and his neck and it makes him pull him in impossibly closer than he already was. Kent has his hands in Jeff’s hair, grasping on as tightly as he can, he burying his face into his neck, and Jeff feels the most relieved and the worst he’s ever felt at this moment. 

“I’m so sorry,” Kent says, pulling back. His face is splotchy, red, and wet with tears. Jeff used to say crying was the only time Kent wasn’t good looking but he’s still beautiful even like this, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was trying so hard. I swear to god Jeff I was. I don’t know why I let it get like that. I’m so sorry. Please don’t, we can’t do that again please.” 

Jeff cups his hand against the back of Kent’s head and pulls him into his shoulder, “It’s not your fault. It was both of us. We just… we just got lost okay. But you’re off for four days, and I told Georgia I had a family emergency.” 

“You’re scratching?” Kent asks, into his shoulder. 

“Yeah this game and the next. It’s just Montreal and Ottawa, no big deal. She understood. I’m here until you’re next game in a couple of days.” 

Kent pulls back and grasps Jeff’s face in his hands and pulls his face to his, kissing him hard. Jeff melts into it. It’s been months since he’s kissed Kent, and after being used to being able to kiss him whenever the hell he wanted, this feels like he’s drinking water for the first time in months. Jeff bends a little, grabs Kent under the thighs and hoists him up so he can wrap his legs around Jeff’s middle. They some how do this without stopping, only pulling a way quickly for air without diving back in. 

Jeff carries him to where he knows the living room is so they can move this to the couch, but as soon as he steps over the threshold from front hallway to actual house there’s a pretty loud squeak. Jeff pulls away from Kent who’s trying to grab at his face and pull him closer again. But Jeff doesn’t really think he’s super comfortable making out in front of Bitty, who is sitting on the couch, Kit now in his lap, watching the two of them with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile. 

“I can go to the guest room if y’all need some space.” 

Kent turns his face away from Jeff’s just long enough to look at Bitty and say, “I will literally give you my card and you can go find the fanciest fucking sweet in all of Vegas. Whatever your heart desires Bitty I swear to God, if you will just leave my house for the next 12 hours.” Kent is grinning at him and Jeff thinks this might be the most relaxed Kent has looked in the last six months. 

Bitty just laughs and plucks Kit off of his lap and puts her on the couch beside him instead, “if you insist Mr. Parson. I’ll give you a call in the morning and see when its safe to head back.”

“Bitty, you’re amazing and I love you. Also, you can take my car, keys are in the glass bowl by the from door.” 

Bitty looks particularly excited about this and practically prances away gleefully to grab whatever it is he wants to take with him to wherever he’s going before disappearing out of the house. Kent and Jeff hear the beep of his car horn twice, Bitty letting them know that he’s on his way out and they finally take a moment to settle into the couch and look at each other. 

Jeff reaches out for Kent first, pulls him into him so he’s sitting on his lap. Kent lets his face fall forward, resting his forehead on Jeff’s temple, nosing at the side of his face gently. It reminds Jeff of when Kit rubs herself on whatever part of your body she can to get affection. Jeff is complacent to just hold Kent. They have time. Not a lot of it but enough to finally relearn each other. 

“I know I already said this but I am sorry. About everything. I know it was on both of us to keep talking, to keep working it out but… I didn’t try as hard as I could have.” Kent says quietly, almost a whisper. 

“I know. It’s… it was an adjustment neither of us were ready to face and it took us by surprise. We knew it was going to be hard.” Jeff is raking his hands through Kent’s hair, mussing it up. 

Kent clings a little harder, “what the hell happened Jeff? We just stopped talking. We hadn’t even gotten into a fight about it. Nothing was wrong other than being apart.” 

“I don’t know. I… I was scared. I mean, Jesus Kent. We’ve been in each other’s presence every day for practically the last decade. I had never been away from you for that long and it scared me. I know so many people who tried to do long distance, people who were rock solid and it didn’t work. And I think… I think I thought that was going to happen to us eventually. It was all I could think about. Every time I called you or we skyped or face-timed it was always in the back of my mind.” 

Kent started to run his fingers gently behind the shell of Jeff’s ear, something that Kent always did when Jeff needed calming down before games or after games or when his anxiety got too bad and he just needed a second to feel okay. Jeff can feel it working now and the familiarity of it is holding him together. 

“I was afraid you’d find someone better in Providence.” Kent murmured into Jeff’s hair. 

That… that was not what Jeff was expecting, “what? What do you mean find someone better?” 

Kent just huffs, his face getting red like it always did when he had to explain something that he thought was going to be embarrassing, “you were moving to the east coast and you didn’t know anyone, not really and I thought you would meet someone who wasn’t as much work as me. Every time you called I was wondering if it was the ‘I can’t do this anymore we need to break up’ phone call.” 

“You…you thought I would cheat on you?” Jeff asks him incredulously. 

“No! God no, I know you would never! I just… I thought you would just meet people in general, try to make new friends and realize you didn’t want to hold yourself back from potentially starting something if you found someone later. It was… it was stupid but that’s all I could ever think about was sometime during our phone calls that would be the next thing you told me.” 

“I never wanted that Kent. I… we have got to get better at communicating. I want this to work. You have no idea how badly I want this to work. But fuck, we were both so scared of such stupid shit and we never talked about it Kent. We have got to start telling each other when we’re worried, no matter how stupid we think it is.” 

Kent nodded, and Jeff could feel the motion against his temple, “you’re right.” 

Jeff smiled, “I’m always right!” 

“Oh yeah? Like that one time you told Carrie that coach loved Phil Collins and he got him backstage passes for the show for his birthday even though we know he fucking hates Phil Collins?” 

“That wasn’t even an example of me being wrong, that was just an example of me hazing the new guy.” 

Kent snorts but doesn’t say anything other than that, just rests himself against Jeff. The two of them sit there for a moment, letting themselves just breathe in each other’s presence. Kent is still gripping onto Jeff pretty tightly, but Jeff finds he doesn’t really care as long as it keeps Kent close to him. He’s clinging pretty tightly himself. 

“We’re going to get through this, right?” Kent asks, barely a whisper. 

“Yeah, we’re going to get through this.”


End file.
